# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
