as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
