I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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