Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
