its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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