Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
