My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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