How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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