Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
