Where are you?
In a non slutty way
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
