Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
