It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
