I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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