took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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