hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
