oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
