I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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