I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
