a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
