She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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