how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
