Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You ate ashes out of my bong
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
