She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
