i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
