Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
