i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
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