legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
