I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
