Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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