I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
