Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
