OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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