Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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