she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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