so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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