What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
