Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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