he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
