Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
