I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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