I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
