Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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