Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
