Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
