Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
