Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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