Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
