Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
