all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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