I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
