so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
