you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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