I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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