when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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