i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
