I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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