why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
