Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize