By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
