and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
