I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
