you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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