how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
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When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
my liver is dry heaving
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