barbara walters just said penis...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
