if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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