You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
