he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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