The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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