well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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