he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
