The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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