not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
