It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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