I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
